As fateful as Luke and Darth, as Luthor and Batman, Lucy and Charlie, the Millers and the Buds have been at war for decades, destinies intertwined in a deathgrip as they fall to the mat with claws in each other’s throats. No surprise then, that these two are racing to the bottom of the low: ultra-light beers. Bud has the “55 Select” and here is Miller’s “64”. So Miller has nine more calories, let’s see what they do with them.
As a reminder, this portion of the beer reviews is a public service. I’m careening through the crap, so you don’t have to. The basic premise is that there is no beer on Earth so crappy that a few ounces of Yuengling’s Black & Tan can not make it taste like nearly good beer. So far, this theory has withstood some truly horrific beers, some shudder-worthy liquids. One day a bright light over my head, and realized that “light” beers are even crappier than cheap beers, so the second phase of this quest marches forward lower into the swamplands.
The color is yellow, more likely due to Yellow #5 than anything malted, and the odor is nearly nothing, if anything, perhaps saltwater taffy and in that regard, half the smell is the wax paper wrapping. Lightly carbonated here, and the only other bit of info we care about is the number 2.8, which is the % alk. Label says “perfectly balanced” which is no info at all, they could be referring to a “balance” between mouse urine and banquet beer.
And actually, that’s not far off. No real beer taste to speak of, because that would increase the carbs, and we’re not talking about carbonation, though it might do that too. One mighty thing in “64”s favor: it does not make you gag, like some light beers. Most light beers are around 100 calories, and i don’t know what they spend it on. Not malts, for sure. But i really have to focus here. Not on what this is as beer, but how it matches up with the cream of the crap.
On that account, Miller 64 stands tall. And physically tall too. No really, the cans are too tall for the middle shelf in the fridge, which is for cheese, eggs, lunchmeats, and drink cans. But the taste is the tallest midget under the rainbow, right up there with Michelob Ultra, which has the delusionary confidence to call itself “premium”. Lightly tinny, barely fizzy, reminds one mostly of weak lemonade which was jammed full of ice seven hours ago.
On its own, Miller “64” gets a 1.8 rating. But when rescued with Yuengling’s Black & Tan, this is as good as Mick Ultra, and much better that Yuengling’s own light beer. We have to remember, of course, that even the worst cheapo regular beer improves to a higher level of tolerability with some YB&T, than any light beer.
Nobody chooses to drink light beer. But if you have to drink light beer, choose this one. It’s just as good (!?) as Michelob Ultra, and if you have to drink light, then the reason why is likely the cals and/or carbs. This has got 30 less calories than Mick Ultra, for the same price, so there’s no reason not to choose Miller 64.
